knowledge as the enemy of completion
sometimes you just have to do the thing and not think too hard about it
When I queried for the first time in 2021, I knew very little about publishing. I had some vague idea of what submission was, and all my research up to that point had been about getting an agent.
I think, if I had the amount of knowledge I had now about the industry, I would have approached querying with considerably less zeal and far more apprehension. It wasn’t until later that I realized how lucky I was to have gotten an agent during the Great Flood of Covid books, and how the volume of querying had increased. The only reality check was when I was checking the FAQs of DG&B’s page and saw this:
Hahahahaaa WHAT. Less than 1%??? No way was I getting picked. As you can see from these messages I exchanged with my friend (who is wise beyond compare), I had 0 faith in myself. Warning, cursing ahead:
Reader, I was picked. To be fair, 1% is still higher than 0.000001%.
I am going to write another newsletter later about confidence and how much it affects creativity, but what I should’ve thought then was: why NOT me? Which is probably what people who buy lottery tickets tell themselves, too. And you know what? Sometimes you happen to have the winning ticket. And unlike the lottery, there are things you can do here to improve your chances. You can write a solid book. You can revise it and get opinions. You can get people to give you feedback on your query. You can query agents whose MSWLs might be a match.
By the time I went on submission, I thought I knew how things worked. You get an agent, said agent pitches the book to editors, an editor likes your book and buys it.
Oh, but the variations! The exceptions, the edge cases, the statistics! When I get anxious, I think that I’ll alleviate my stress by doing as much research as I can about something. The more I read about it, the less scary it is. Yet, the more I learned about the range of advances, the number of people who could not sell a book past their debut, and all the flavors of success, the greater my imposter syndrome became. Those numbers piled up inside my brain and dammed up my creativity. You can read more about it in this post, but the amount of mental energy I expended over thinking I was not good enough, the amount of time I spent poring over Sub Stories and Submission Hell, looking for a story that resembled mine, was astronomical.
It was exhausting, and ultimately, unproductive. And it went on for a year. At some point, my agent said they’d stop sending me weekly email updates on rejections because even the pace of those had slowed down. That was when, in my heart, I put my poor little book to rest. I forgot about the ruthless gauntlet that is traditional publishing and buried myself in the world of my next book, which was a far better diversion. Sometimes, I’d pop my head out of that world and think, But what if this one doesn’t sell either? Then I’d give myself a metaphorical slap in the face, tell myself not to start leaping ahead when the book wasn’t even done yet, and get back to work.
Now, as a 2024 debut, I have access to even more information about the publishing industry. I know about people who got paid bonkers money for a deal, people who get hardcover ARCs, people who have already sold another 3 books. I also hear about people whose publishers do not have it together, people who are left floundering after an imprint closes or an editor leaves. Once again, I found myself looking for numbers to ease my doubt. I looked at the number of reviews I had on NetGalley, the adds I had on Goodreads, my ranking on Amazon. It was not a productive practice.
Even after writing and selling a book, I was choking. I asked myself: What if readers hate it? What if, despite the best efforts of my publishing team, it flops? Most authors don’t sell past book 2, and even more don’t make it past book 3. What if that’s me? And if it does do well, what if everyone thinks my second book sucks in comparison? What if I show it to my editor and she starts to suspect me of plagiarism because it’s just so much worse than my first one?
Are you starting to see how tiring it can be to live in my head?
Everything is so unpredictable. Around every corner is someone who is doing better than you—or at least, that’s what you think. With every accomplishment you have, the ceiling grows higher. And if you do sell a book, you will not only compare yourself to the people around you, but also gain the ability to compare to your past self. Wow, what a great superpower I never wanted to have.
At the end of the day, though, the only two things that matter are you and your work. Not the percentages, not the guesstimates of your chances. Your story is inherently different from everyone else’s, so there will never be a direct way to compare your experience to someone else’s in publishing.
As for comparing to a prior version of yourself? Trust in time, and practice, and experience gained. Trust that those things mean you are growing. Every book is an independent event. If I can accomplish the small goals I’ve set for myself in a book—to write convincingly from a certain perspective, to incorporate a twist successfully, to bring color to a certain setting, to make at least one actually funny joke—then that is more than enough. That is something gained.
Today, here’s my challenge for you. Don’t focus on how small the numbers are. Instead, think: Why NOT me? And get back to work.
Something I wrote today:
Applause begins, first as a patter, then as a full-on storm. Everyone is looking at Maggie Tang, and Priya feels pride swell in her chest as Maggie crosses the stage, head held high. This is a woman who has, against all odds, returned and faced a world that had forgotten her. She took her pain and loss, and turned it into something good.
Maggie takes a seat in the armchair on the farthest side of the stage. There’s a slight quaver in her voice as she begins to speak. “Things I learned about friendship. Lesson one.”
WOMEN OF GOOD FORTUNE updates
In case you’re curious what’s been up with WOMEN OF GOOD FORTUNE, I’m going to start including updates in this newsletter. It’s a way for me to celebrate the wins, too. If you still haven’t yet pre-ordered, now’s your chance.
First, this incredible Publishers Weekly review. I particularly like that they say I “pull it off without a hitch” because I don’t think that applies to anything else in my life.
Zibby Owens included WOMEN OF GOOD FORTUNE as a Most Anticipated Book Coming Out in 2024! So many amazing books in this post, I am in such great company!
WOMEN OF GOOD FORTUNE in “Most Anticipated Thrillers, Mystery, and Suspense of 2024” by SheReads.
And the cover spotted in “The Most Anticipated March 2024 Book Releases” by Booklist Queen.